Guitar for Worship

In looking for guitars, always, always check your local craigslist. You
can really get some good deals off of there. Especially the LA one. You
get a lot of 60-year-old guys with more guitars than divorces (which is
saying a lot) and sometimes they just want to talk to somebody, I think,
after being holed up in their musty, smoke-filled apartment for 50 years,
practicing their chops for their next bar gig, hoping John Mayer will be
there and need a touring musician, hear them, and then their worries
will be over……..they can then buy even more guitars and a bigger
apartment to smoke in. (Or at least, that is what I would do, without
the inhaling of fire part.) This is a gross generalization, of course, but
if you ever have a free day, call up somebody from Hollywood who has
listed a guitar on craigslist and go up there just to see the accumlation
of gear in those apartments. Insane. My amp tech is one of those guys.
And every time I bring an amp to him, he peaks through the door, and
eyes me carefully……and it’s like, “Bro! You know me!” Good times
with insanely talented, old musicians in Hollywood. And I’ve done the
whole Hollywood thing, and John Mayer never saw me (or maybe he did
and most likely wasn’t impressed, hehe), but I just got out while I was
still in my 20’s. And for those of you thinking I must be famous or
something, I can assure you I am definitely not……you’d be surprised
how many famous clubs you can book when your band pays the
promoter! Ya, if you’re prepared to be broke, you can play any stage
you want with as little talent as you want. (And it was pretty little,
in my case.)

(Oh, my. These are not mine. But oh, how I wish.)

Anyway, I’m checking craigslist for vintage guitars and not finding
too much in my price range in LA unfortunately, so I go to the Inland
Empire craigslist (what a dumb name for where we live). And I see a
‘73 Les Paul amongst some other guitars going for what appears to
be fairly cheap. So I get all excited and call the number. And the other
line picks up and answers:

“Good afternoon, Guitar Center.”

And I’m annoyed…..very much so. I go to craigslist so I don’t have
to deal with over-gauged prices and haughty salesman and ‘I’m sorry
there’s a factory bottom price on this guitar that was made in 1973′.
And then they go and pretend to be a private party selling a guitar!
Not once did the ad mention Guitar Center, or allude to the fact that
there would be sales tax in the final price, or that it was a store. In
fact, the ad was worded in such a way as to make it sound like a
private party. Ugghhh. So I answer:

“I’m sorry, I must have the wrong number. I was looking for a
PRIVATE PARTY selling a ‘73 Gibson.”

GC: “Oh, hang on, let me transfer you to our vintage guy.”

(insert Guitar Center hold music…..i.e. ‘Crazy Train’…..here)

GC Vintage Guy: “Guitar Center Vintage Sales, how may I help you?”

Me: “Yes, I saw a ‘73 Gibson Les Paul on craigslist and called this
number.”

GC Vintage Guy: “Oh, ya, sorry bro. That’s long gone. But we have
lots of other guitars…..guitars waaaay better than that one! Give
me an hour to check, and I’ll call you right back.”

So I give him my number, in order to hear what waaaaay better
guitars they are sporting than a ‘73 Les Paul.

Now, don’t get me wrong, Guitar Center is great for strings, picks,
or some used gear that they might not be quite up to snuff on what
it is, or whatever. And they’re making strides, trying to get some
T-Rex and Laguna stuff in there. That’s cool. But a ‘73 Les Paul?
They’re gonna tell me it was played by Jimmy Page after he bought
it from Jimi Hendrix after Hendrix found it in King Tut’s tomb or
something. And so then, of course, they can’t sell it for anything lower
then 15K, and they’ll act offended when I offer like, 90% of that price,
and then have one of their buddies come up and ask them to go to
lunch, and then they’ll say something like they can’t because gave
their last dollar to their 8 children to split at school between the
bullies trying to take their money and the books their teacher needs
them to buy. And so I’ll probably end up going down there anyway
and offering 90% just because it’s amusing to watch them do this.